What am I doing?

It will come to no surprise to anyone reading this that we have four kids. However it does still sometimes take me aback—I have to count them, 1,2, 3 and 4. Four kids!! I am so thankful for each one of them. They are amazing, passionate, fun and I am learning so much from them these days. But I can also easily slip into this mode where I am just trying to survive and keep them alive. Keeping them clothed, fed, clean and healthy is a full time job. In the space of 1 hour this week Anna swallowed a quarter, Sam cut off the circulation on his wrist with a plastic tie thing, I found Eli decorating himself with Anna’s lip gloss while I was trying to change Joy’s diaper. It wasn’t as if I was sitting on the couch reading a book neglecting them!

And to be honest, keeping kids alive doesn’t get me out of bed in the morning. It isn’t inspiring or even that invigorating. I know its bad when I am checking facebook “news” to try to find some brain stimulation. I was at Hebrews Coffee Shop at Bethel church by myself for 30 minutes after dropping Sam off at school and I overheard a couple of gals next to me talking about different dreams they had in life. Somewhere in my sleep deprived state I realized I had stopped dreaming, or at least thinking beyond the “to do” list of laundry and groceries. What are my dreams? And not even dreams for myself but dreams for my kids? What is the bigger job description as the mom of Sam, Anna, Elijah and Joy? What am I about during the day?

What is my job description? To have fun! To raise revivalists-kids who are about bringing heaven on earth. I want to help my kids know who they are and whose they are. I want to show my kids how to have fun in all circumstances. To train them to hear God’s voice and to become aware of what God is doing in the room and in the world. I want my kids to who feel confident in who they were created to be and who are free to be different, creative, powerful and who love well. I want to teach my kids to feel the freedom to try new things and make mistakes but also to know how to clean up any messes they make in life relationally or otherwise. I want my kids to be wise stewards of money, who are generous and not afraid. I want my kids to know that God is good and God is for them. I want my kids to know the love of the Father, the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the Friendship and power of Holy Spirit.

When I think of this all–being a stay at home mom doesn’t feel so mundane. I feel empowered, like one of the most important people in the world. I feel so lucky that I have two boys and two girls that I get to learn from and with and who I get to empower to go further than we have gone. As I write this, Joy is lying beside me cooing and waiving her hands, Sam is next to her studying a map and dreaming about creating a machine that could turn the world so that it was always Christmas, Anna and Eli are asleep and Greg is somewhere in Germany teaching and showing people that God is good, that is he way more loving that we can imagine and that in God’s presence there is fullness of joy. God is good. All the time. God is good.

10. January 2013 by Ali Millikan
Categories: Thoughts on Life | 1 comment

One Comment

  1. Wonderfully profound and wise words, Ali. I learn so very much from you!!!! Love you! I’m glad Greg is back from Germany now.

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